It occurred to me out of the blue today that tomorrow is the birthday of my first real girlfriend, the first person I ever fell in love with. For some reason the date has stuck in my memory for all these years. Even though I haven’t seen her in more than three decades. Tomorrow she will turn 50 years old.

That’s pretty incredible. I have thought of her occasionally over the years, and wondered what ever became of her. The last time I saw her, she was living in a different country to me. I can only assume she stayed there and grew up.

I know in this day and age you can trace people through social media. It’s easier to find people than it was in times gone by. Sure I have looked up her name online occasionally. Though as it is a fairly common first name and surname, there are quite a few of them. So you end up peering at avatar pictures and looking at the rough age and wondering, is that her? It’s like looking for a ghost. A ghost from the past.

I never managed to find someone with the same name in the same country I assume she still lives in, so my interest ended there. I doubt I would ever try and contact her anyway. Maybe she moved overseas again.

I wonder did she get married, have children, get divorced? Are her mum and dad still alive? I got on so well with them. What did she end up doing with her life when she left school? Did she fulfil her dreams and ambitions… what were her dreams and ambitions? Did I ever bother to ask her?

Would she be interested in what became of me? Does she ever sit and think of me in the same way I think of her. Perhaps we all do of our first love.

If she had children, they would be young adults now, possibly with children of their own.

Would it be interesting to sit down with that person and talk about how your lives panned out? Would you even want to? What would you talk about? How much of a shock would it be for both of you to see that person you only remember in their youthful prime now grown old and grey? Would you still have anything in common, anything to talk about at all?

Those two young souls are like different people now. I barely remember being that boy.

What would I tell her? About my travels, the places I’ve seen, my studies, my degrees, books and stories I wrote, the women I loved along the way, my marriage, my family. Friends I made and lost. My father dying.

Is she actually still alive?

Would you want to know?

Well I have a wife and children, and grandchildren of my own now, so my curiosity goes no further. But happy birthday to you, girl that broke my heart all those years ago. I hope you are alive, and that you’re very happy. I hope your life was whatever you wanted it to be.

Happy fiftieth JB.