When I was a small boy, an English migrant living in a West Australian town full of ten pound Poms, my father and I had an annual ritual where I was allowed to stay up late on a Saturday night each May to watch the FA Cup Final. It was a kind of bonding for us, and it inculcated in me a love of the Cup as a kind of magical festival, an event where strange things could happen and the odds could be upset, for one night only on the hallowed turf of Wembley Stadium.

Dad supplemented the magic by buying me a book for my birthday one day in the early seventies called, ‘100 Years of the FA Cup’. I remember the title because I still have the book, autographed by dad. I never read it when I was a kid, I just marvelled at the action pictures. I did read the whole book much later as an adult, but the pages that really caught my eye was the two page spread toward the back listing all of those first 100 finals, the winners, losers and the scores.

It was this, in conjunction with the annual ritual of final watching, unbroken since 1972, which led to me developing my only idiot savant skill. I can recall who played in nearly every FA Cup Final and the result. I have used this talent to mesmerise various workmates over the years. They sit, there, finger on the Internet to check if I’m making it up, only to be amazed.

When I told dad of my idiot savant ability, he said I was at least half right.

Don’t even bother asking me about any of the finals since 1960. Please you insult my intelligence. I can reel them off easily. Although, I must admit. The finals after 2000 do get a bit hazy, as far too many of them were contested by the new Premier League corporations. Too many dreary Man U, Chelsea and Arsenal victories for my liking.

Similarly, those finals buried in the mists of time before I was even born, do tend to get a bit blurry.

So go ahead, try me. I’ll reel a few off, and assure you I am doing this purely from memory.

1933 Everton beat Man City 3-0. It was the first final where both sides wore numbered shirts as an experiment. One side had 1 to 11, the other 12 to 22. Bo subs in those days.

1934 Man City came back and beat Portsmouth 2-1. Young Frank swift in goal for City was so tense in the last few minutes that he fainted as the final whistle blew. He later died in the Munich air disaster of 1958 as a travelling journalist.

1958 – the shattered Busby babes fought back to reach the Cup Final, but were beaten 2-0 by Bolton. Nat Lofthouse shoulder charged the Utd keeper into the net, back when you were allowed to do that.

1900 and 1903… I think. Nobodies Bury won their only two FA Cups by the incredible scores of 6-0 and 4-0, over Derby County and Southampton respectively. Bury have been a nothing side all my life, but at the turn of the twentieth century, during the industrial revolution, that town was booming with weaving machinery in its dark Satanic mills. Long gone now.

1923 – the first final at the newly built Wembley Empire stadium. 200,000 crashed the gates to see Bolton beat West Ham 2-0. Bolton must have cheated.

1949 – Arsenal beat Liverpool 2-0. Arsenal wore yellow shirts I think, looking at the old black and white photos. (Fact check. I peaked. It was actually 1950 of course. Wolves beat Leicester in 1949).

1872 – the first ever cup final, property of the old boys of the public school where the game was created. Wanderers beat Old Etonians 1-0. (Second fact check, it was actually the Royal Engineers they beat). The first of the Wanderers 5 early cup final wins. The Wanderers never lost a final.

1967 – Spurs 2 Chelsea 1 in the first ever Cockney Cup Final.

1970 Chelsea 2 Leeds 1 in the mud after a 2-2 draw. The flash Cockneys and the despised northerners, dirty Leeds. They hated each other with a passion. Eddie McCreadie tried to decapitate Billy Bremner. Jackie Charlton punched one of the Chelsea players in the face behind the ref’s back.

1947 – Charlton 1 Burnley 0. The ball burst. It burst the year before too when Derby beat Charlton 4-1.

1975 – West Ham 2 Fulham 0

1964 – the Hammers beat 2^nd div Preston 3-2 in a thriller with a last minute winner.

1973 – one of the greatest games of my childhood, 2^nd div nobodies Sunderland upset the mighty Leeds 1-0. Jim Montgomery’s incredible double save.

1972 – Where it all began for dad and me. Leeds 1 Arsenal 0. Alan Clarke’s diving header.

And who could forget 1953, the Matthews final. Stanley Matthews finally won an FA Cup winners medal. Sir Stanley, already pushing 40, inspired his team, Blackpool, to come back from 3-1 down with about 15 minutes left to beat Bolton 4-3. That was what the cup was all about. Apparently it was magic. I wasn’t born to see it.

So there it is, my particular idiot savant skill. Completely useless and unprofitable of course. I couldn’t count cards or pick Lotto numbers or something useful. No, I do FA Cup Final scores. I can also do random Seinfeld quotes, which are about as useful.