Blog 18 – Conspiracy theories

I love a good conspiracy theory. In today’s world, thanks to the majesty of the Internet, we have access to every wonderful conspiracy theory that ever was, and because there’s no control, no censorship, no filters, they’re all out there for you to discover.

These are some of my favourites.

Time travel

This one is a beauty. Old photographs and movie footage, even from famous movies, where somebody just looks out of place, or even better, appears to be carrying and using a piece of modern technology, familiar to us, but not even dreamed of in the bygone era where the film was taken. Check the two ‘cell phone’ users here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkmYbwGXgYA

Now, far be it from me to sneer at the concept of time travel, I think it may even be within the realms of scientific possibility one day. All I will say is this. If we were in a crowded city space in 2016 and we saw somebody using a piece of technology that as far as we were aware did not exist – say if they were hovering above the ground on a board – do you not think mobs of people would crowd around that person, fascinated, and ask them what the hell they were doing? Now, picture this happening in the less enlightened times of the 1920s and 30s. The people in these films are walking among crowds, supposedly using mobile phones (despite there being no satellites to bounce signals off), and nobody is batting an eyelid. Do you not think there would be mass hysteria, followed by a lynching?

The fake moon landing

Why did we spend so much to get there? Because it was there and our closest satellite. Why have we never been back since the early 1970s? Cos it’s boring and played out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQyS-5ZmO_E

Neil Armstrong saw aliens on the moon

Alright then, if you insist we really did go to the moon, then the aliens were already there. Neil Armstrong saw them. Listen to this, and it’s not an outtake from ‘Lost in Space’, Will Robinson.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EOWqB_xVWA

Aliens live among us

Course they do. Always have. Rowdy Roddy Piper was right man, they live, and they’re right wing conservatives. Again, as much as I believe it highly unlikely that we are the only sentient species in this entire unknowable universe, and there’s got to be something out there somewhere, some of these videos are a bit out there. This one for example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aguEFSBbIi8

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Who invited all the religious freaks to this alien’s shindig? Or perhaps, who invited Aunty Alien to the wedding? Or who brought the zombie?

Reptilians

Okaaay. You know where I could go with this one. Either some humans are descended from reptiles, or, a lot of pretty girls just have really long tongues.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSKhiwzxf8Y

Elvis is alive

This one is pretty easy to understand. From Jesus Christ all the way through to Michael Jackson, hard core fans have never been prepared to accept that their idol has really passed away. So in a mixture of devotion and desperation, they conjure up these sightings, through lookalikes, to keep the myth going. Elvis is one of the most prominent of these. See also, Paul McCartney is dead, for a tweak on this theme.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6lUM1rWOYU

Actually, I know for sure that the King didn’t die in 1977. Here he is wrestling in the WWF a decade later. Living proof, bubba.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzmWjqzOtfk

Ok, this is way too much fun. I’ll wind up by briefly touching on the Kardashian conspiracy theories. Not that I want to give these foul soulless beings any more publicity. Suffice to say that much like the Devil’s greatest trick being to convince the world that he didn’t exist, the Kardashians greatest trick was to fool an entire generation into believing that these talentless social parasites, who produce absolutely nothing of value or worth, are somehow immensely talented and worthy of mass public adulation, fame and fortune. That my friends is the greatest con-spiracy of all time.